I wrote this letter to stick in my firstborn, Mason’s, baby book for him to read one day but I also decided to share it here. I went back and forth on whether or not to share such a personal and emotional letter on such a public platform but as the days that Mason is my only child dwindle down, I’ve been met with so many mixed emotions. I know that I’m not the only mother that has felt this way right before having another baby so I decided to share this in hopes of offering some type of comfort to any other moms struggling with the intense mixed emotions that come with adding a new baby to the family. While I’m incredibly excited about the next step for our family and I cannot wait to meet this sweet new babe of ours, I’m also struggling with so many feelings of guilt. Deep down, I know that this will be the best thing for our family but the thought of Mason ever feeling replaced or jealous absolutely haunts me. If you’re currently struggling with these feelings, too, just know that you’re not alone.
My sweet Mason,
You will always be my baby. The boy who made me a mama and gave me a greater purpose in this life. The way you grab my cheeks to give me a kiss, reach for my hand when you’re scared and hug me tight when you’re sleepy will always hold a special place in my heart. I will forever treasure the days spent just you and I and the memories we’ve made together.
But my sweet boy, the days are numbered that you’ll be my only child. The days of you getting my full attention and an immediate response when I hear you call out “mama”. Soon you’ll be sharing me with your little brother. My heart shatters into a million pieces when I think about giving up even a second of my time spent with you but I know that this will be a good thing.
I know, because I know your heart. Even at two years old I can see how big your heart is, how compassionate you are and how you strive to put a smile on the face of every person you meet. I can see your love for other children and your constant need to help. Your sweet two year old heart is so pure and I know that giving you a little brother, a forever friend, is one of the greatest things that I could possibly give to you.
But that does not stop me from worrying. I pray that you won’t ever feel unloved or replaced, not even for a second, because you are loved more than you will ever know. This is going to be a big adjustment not only for you but for me, too. There’s a lot that I will need to learn about raising two babies but I promise to always do everything I can to make sure you never feel anything but pure love.
I can’t imagine being able to love another little being as fiercely as I love you but I know that my heart will simply expand, and yours will too, baby boy. Together, we will love this sweet baby more than you or I can even fathom right now. I can’t wait to watch you take on a new role and become the most wonderful big brother. There is no doubt in my mind that you will love your little brother immensely just as I will love you both with every fiber of my being.
So as I sit here and mourn the changing dynamic of our family, even more I look forward to witnessing the spectacular bond between you and your brother grow. Life is about to look very different but those extra hands to hold and cheeks to kiss are going to make this life of ours a little bit sweeter and a whole lot more fun.
I’m fighting with these feelings of anxiety and fear of the unknown, but I’m also excited and ready to grow our family. And while you’ll always be my first baby, I truly believe that you’re also ready to share your love with one more person. And please, my sweet boy, don’t you ever forget how truly & magnificently loved you are.
Love you forever,